all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
