I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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