Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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