so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
