I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So vagazzling was a success
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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