Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
