I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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