Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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