Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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