Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
