So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
...so i touched it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
