He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
