shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
