I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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