i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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