Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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