My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
