it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
