at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
