meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
