No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
