ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
