Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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