Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
