I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
