I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.