How has he not realized you're pregnant?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...