Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.