You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.