I want to make a zoo with you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.