Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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