Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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