Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
