I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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