Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize