If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
