Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
