some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
