Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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