I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
