I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
