I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
