Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize