I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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