If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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