Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
