he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
