And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
