You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
