We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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