I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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