then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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