I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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