She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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