The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
