I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
