And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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