How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
