so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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