Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
