I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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