I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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