so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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