This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Congratulations! We have a period
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
