yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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