umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
