You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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