My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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